Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
