Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
