I feel like I'm in dance class right now
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
