nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
