you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
