STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
