So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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