My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
