I can't watch pbs sober anymore
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
