Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
