Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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