Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
