Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
