i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize