the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize