Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
