wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
