She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
