There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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