My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
