Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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