One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
