Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
