eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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