tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
