i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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