haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
