best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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