ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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