i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
