I can't watch pbs sober anymore
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
