We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
