omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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