i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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