But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
