I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
