remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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