Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
