i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
