another moral hangover. fuck.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
