I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
