I want to stick my p in your. b.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
