I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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