I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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