my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I will pee on everything he values.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
