so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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