So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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