Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize