Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
two words: eviction party
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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