you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
