I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
