Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
