omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
