And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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