Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
