Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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