eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
