K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
