so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
