can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm just crazy horny about you
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
