Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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