I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
