Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize