remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
