Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
