Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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